Self-awareness continued & self-esteem (:

Self-awareness continued & self-esteem (:


Wow wow wow. Self-esteem is indeed a really sensitive topic to me, kept me thinking for quite some time. However, I just keep marching my legs up and down, but always at the same ground at the same place. What do I mean by that? Well, I may know my flaunts and my talents, but what I seriously lack is self-esteem ): That ain't good, but I'm trying to improve on it already! My main lack in self-esteem is in my appearence. Yes yes, my appearence. I think I totally suck in my appearance. But before going into my personal account, do let me try to define self-esteem in my own terms.


Self-esteem is to have confidence in oneself, and it is related to self-awareness. By knowing yourself better helps to build up confidence within one, enables one to think positively about oneself and not easily being put down by people with bad intention. When one is confident in the things that he or she does, he/she will not be stumpled when crisis or problems arise. Instead, he/she will be strong enough to move on and overcome the obstacle. This is vice versa for someone whom has low self-esteem. He/she with low self-esteem tend to find fault with oneself all the time, putting the blame on oneself and feels that he is the cause of all the problems. Yes, low self-esteem tend to lead to disasters in every area, be it workplace or studies. Without confidence, you lose determination and perserverance, and you lack of courage to move on, finding yourself only back to square one. Someone with low self-esteem tend to run away from problems and think that running away is solving the problem. I can firmly say that, running away worsens the situation and is only delaying the problem which may become even serious in time.


Okay, back to me. I do not run away from problems and such, but I lack of self-esteem in terms of one area, my appearance. Apparantly, I do not feel good about my appearance, I just feel that I should have more- better figure, better face, better complexion, better legs and bla bla bla. I'm sad to say, this has affected me in many ways or so. I apply makeup because I lack of confidence in my appearance. Even though many have told me that "natural beauty is still the best, putting makeup looks fake", but I feel more confident when I apply makeup. Hence, I didn't run away from the problem, instead, I seek another alternative solution to my low self-esteem in my appearance. Well, if you may ask, what makes me feel so insecure about my looks? Actually, I don't really know the real reason behind it. I just love to envy other girls whom are pretty, hence close friends of mine find me looking at pretty girls more than looking at handsome dudes. Haha. I just feel that these girls are really lucky to be born with such a beautiful face & figure, and the envy just never stops. Even if I get praises from people close around me(be it boyfriend/friends/family) , I just feel insecure about myself. I don't have the confidence.


However, I make an effort to improve it. I'm going to be joining 2 sports CCAs, which means I'll be exercising for 3days per week. This can certainly help to cut down my fats. I usually skip meals in the past but I realised that it is not practical because I end up in gastric pains, hence, I eat in small portions. I usually eat only breakfast and lunch, research shows that dinner is the best choice for you to leave out if you're going on a diet (:


Oh well, I only can say, I'm putting effort in my appearance, but it just never seems enough? Perhaps I really do have self-esteem, but every girl wants to be pretty and slim and sexy, who doesn't? I probably should start to learn how to be satisfied.. Oh well.. (:


Hey, but I do know that appearance doesn't mean everything. What does a pretty face means if one has bad character, am I right? xD Well, five years from now, I probably will laugh at this post and find myself childish. A very playful me may become a much more matured and demure lady, who knows :p Haha! But definitely, my goals have never changed ever since Secondary School. I want to get my Masters in Banking & Financial Service, and become a private banker in future (: This is my ambition indeed, and I will work hard for it. Looks do not mean everything I do know this, that is why I wil continue to study hard and strive for my goals (:


Good luck for all of you too! (: