Managing Conflict (:

Conflict is unavoidable in different aspects of life. It really depends on how we handle these conflicts occurring around us. Conflicts can be verbally or physically; and there are so many different types of conflicts. There can be social conflicts, relationship conflicts, data conflicts, interest-based conflicts, structural conflicts or value-based conflicts. However, I've learnt that there are constructive outcomes of all these conflicts that occur around me some of the times.



Conflicts improves self-awareness.
I have conflicts with my family and my friends. But through these conflicts, I've learnt more about myself and also others. Conflicts occur out of certain reasons, and thus, because of this, I learnt what my friends dislike. For example, one of my close friends doesn't like people to tap her shoulder, even if it's someone she's close with; as long as someone touches her shoulder, she will flare up. Another of my close friends, doesn't like people to make fun of her, even if it is just a friendly joke, she will also get angry and quarrel with us. I accept these dislikes of them, because I believe everyone has their own preferences. And it is very important to know them so as to prevent conflicts from occurring amongst friends. As for my family, I clearly know what they dislike me to do. My parents dislike me from coming home late, and dislike untidiness. Yes, we can even quarrel over not vacuuming the floor for only ONE DAY(my family vacuum and mop the floor EVERYDAY, no joke) So by doing what they dislike, it will help to lessen the amount of quarrels we have!

Conflicts can strengthen relationships.
After quarrelling with someone, there's two possible outcomes that will result. One is that the relationship will improve, or two, the relationship will deprove. It is normal to get into a "cold war" with the opposite party after a quarrel, afterall it's a big misunderstanding. Relationship will worsen if none of the party takes the initiative to apologise and make things up. This will only result in a breakdown of communication and thus, never talk to each other again. This has happened to me a several times. I've lost close friends(and I really mean, CLOSE ones) because of major misunderstandings and quarrels, which we both parties don't wish to talk to each other anymore. Thinking back, even though I've apologised for my wrongs, but since I'm the party at fault, I didn't make the move to talk to them again, resulting in us never talking up till now. It sounds childish, but it really does happen in real life. Sometimes, some things really need initiatives to be taken! However, on the other hand, there are really close friends whom I quarrelled with seriously in the past. In fact, our friendships have improved so much in comparison to the past! That is because, both parties admit their faults in the quarrel, and used a mature way to handle the quarrel. We made things up on our own initiatives, and our friendships stay strong (:

Conflict promotes group cohesion.
In a group, conflicts always occur because of the different thinkings and mindsets of the group members. People have different opinions on different aspects, hence it is not surprising to disagree on other people's point of view in a group. However, when conflicts occur in a group, it will in turn promote group cohesion as group members are more sensitive of other group members' thoughts and feelings. Usually conflicts occurred in a group are mainly due to disagreements on ideas or discontentment with a certain group member. However, if one changes his/her attitude for the better, the group can work even better together. I've experienced working with someone in a group whom is too straightforward in his words and no thinking of other peoples' feelings. Hence, we got into a short disagreement, afterwhich his attitude changed and everything's back to normal (: It is better to make known to the other party his/her mistakes so as to allow her to change for the better, which will also be better for the group discussions. As a group, it means that every member in it is important and essential, thus it is important that every member agrees to any decision made or suggested. No one should be neglected or left out to prevent conflicts!

Conflict promotes creativity and problem solving.
As I've said earlier on, different people have different thinkings. Hence when in a group, it is normal to find people disagreeing on other peoples' suggestions or opinions. However, conflict promotes creativity as every member raises out his/her idea in the project, hence everyone makes the effort to bring the group together and excel in the project work. In the process of doing so, creativity is shown as each do their own part and crack their brains to brainstorm for better solutions for every problem faced!

Conflict can be fun and motivating.
Serious conflicts may result in sadness and disappointment, however, if one uses a positive attitude to face the conflict occurring, it can be fun and motivating! Why do I say so? Well, simply because I think back on the conflicts I used to have with my loved ones and my friends around me, I realise that these conflicts shouldn't even occur in the first place! It is childish and immature as the problem that resulted in the conflict can be resolved so much easier. Actually, conflicts can make us realise even more facts, and in the process, we learn something out of the conflicts.

Actually, conflicts are part and parcel of our lives. It really depends on how we face them and how we go about resolving them. Are we to avoid these conflicts and let a large hole stand between both parties? Or are we to take a step back, and think carefully and maturely before deciding what to do about it? Of course it is the latter. (:

Understanding You & Me.

Understanding You and Me (:

Today's lesson is activity-based, because we were involved in activities which were to test our listening and memorising skills. I think this is rather fresh, because in our age now, we do not really bother to listen and be attentive to what others say. Compared to the younger days in kindergarden and lower primary, we still had listening comprehensions to test our listening skills. But now, in a more blunt way, we are too caught up with our busy curriculum to even bother about the basic- listening.

Listening is a crucial skill that people tend to neglect, because it seems unnecessary to adopt good listening skills. However, take a step back and think carefully, we are always listening, but is listening all about hearing the things people say? To be exact, listening is not only to pay attention, but also to absorb and understand. It may seems easy, but to have good listening skills is not easy.

L: Look interested and Lean
You must be interested in the things that you listen at, if not, the habit of selective listening will come in. This is when people choose what they like to hear, and ignore what they dislike. This is not an effective way of adopting good listening skills.

I: Ignore or Overcome Internal & External Distractions.
This factor is always easier said than done, because distractions will always be around us. It is up to us, whether or not, can we not be tempted by these distractions and stay focus on our listening. This also helps to improve our attentiveness, because if we are willing to listen, we become more attentive to everything people say.

S: Suspend Judgement.
Try not to make judgements about what people may say. Think carefully before you draw a conclusion. Sometimes bad judgements made will cause bad side effects.

T: Tell them what you've heard.
It is important to have good listening skills, because when it comes to conveying messages to others, it is necessary that the correct and accurate information is passed on to avoid misleads.

E: Experience their side.
This helps in making good judgements, by putting yourselves in other people's shoes before giving a conclusion to what you may have heard. Understanding and sparing a thought for the party telling you the experiences is important in the process of listening.

N: No interruption.
Of course, this is the last, but the most important too. When people speak, do your best and your might to not interrupt. By interrupting someone in his/her speech, be it formal or informal, it is rude! Thus, we should always wait for the other party to speak his/her mind, even if we may strongly disagree/agree with what he/she may say. This is the basic manners of having good listening skills (:

Therefore, to adopt good listening skills is definitely not as easy as we may think. If not for this lesson on listening skills, I'll probably never ever taken out a time to really think of the importance of listening. But after I've typed this post, I feel so much better, and of course, I've definitely learnt something important again (:

Managing Anger (:

Today's lesson was definitely an interesting one. I certainly enjoyed myself so much at LMS tutorial today, especially during the role play part. My group had so much fun writing out the script and certainly, looking forward to perform the script out. Our group acted out on how Backstabbing can lead to anger within one. And I'm sure that anyone facing backstabbing from someone close will definitely lead to disappointment and anger. Who will be able to accept someone who smiles and act friendly in front of you, and yet backstabs you from behind? I guess nobody will. So anyway, I've had fun and I hope everyone enjoyed our play too (:

So, anger.. It is part of everyone's life. There will definitely be times when one need to mange one's anger- be it with family, friends, relationship or at workplace/school. However, after today's session, I've learnt more about anger management and it will certainly help alot in future for me. For me, when I'm angry, I tend not to think of the consequences and usually end up regretting. When anger gets over me, I get harsh and agitated; and it will keep probing my mind. I will spend like 3/4 of my time thinking and thinking about it, and starts to curse and swear. One way I vent my frustration is by confiding in my close friends and my family. As my family is very close to me and we have very strong family bonding, I don't find it hard to say out my problems to my family, even relationship problems. My parents are more open-minded about relationship, hence they are willing to accept teenagers' thinkings(which is really good) AS LONG AS I know how to differentiate what is right and wrong. So, often when I face setbacks which make me angry, I talk it out. I curse and swear, and my parents will give me good advices. (: My friends also lend a listening ear to my frustrations, and often cool me down by going out with me and all. After this lesson, I realised that this is a form of CONTROL of my anger. And I think it will certainly help alot! (:

So I've learnt alot on anger management. I have learnt that there are EMOTION & PHYSICOLOGICAL RESPONSES to anger; I have also learnt that there are CONTROL, OUTBURST and WITHDRAWAL (COW) ways to control anger. Suggestions such as listening to music to cool down my nerves, to keep myself busy to prevent about thinking too much and also writing a diary are good ways to manage anger in a non-violent and mature way. Indeed, what good does it do to me if I continue to keep myself distracted from all these un-necessary anger when these things/people are not even worth my attention to be drawn towards. After today's lesson, I realised that anger can really bring one person down if he/she does not know how to handle the situation; I think it is better to let it go and move on, besides, the people that may brought these unhappiness to you, are laughing away knowing that they have succeeded in maying you angry! Afterall, you've seen their true colours, as long as one's conscience is clear, we should learn to let go of our anger and instead, manage it in a way to make the guilty parties feel guilty! Someone filled with guilt will not be able to sleep well, remember that and it will keep you smirking away. (:

Time & Priority Management (:

It is good to know that I learn more and more tips and advices on the different areas of my life from every LMS tutorial session. This week's special because it's a E-learning week and we've to do this topic of time & priority management based on notes given in the MEL website. This is a very important topic to everyone, because everyone is packed with their own stuffs and different activities. Sometimes it gets so busy that we can't bother to plan our time and just take a step at a time. Well, at least, that is what I always do. Haha, there are really so many things to do, so many assignments, so many due dates, CCA and so on. Just a long list which seems to never end especially when a new week starts again.

However, planning out time definitely will help alot especially on academic areas/workplace. By making plans and prioritising, you can weigh the importance of the various different assignments or activities. For example, if there are homeworks due this week, try to finish them up at the start of the week. It is beneficial as you don't have to find yourself doing last-minute work and rushing through the night and burning mid-night oils. Time never waits, it just keeps going, and it really depends on how you manage it. By being more organized in your work, it helps to enable you to finish it by the due date; and only to realise, actually there're still alot of personal time you've left! Of course, planning out time doesn't mean that you have to spend whole day just studying, do take time out to relax your mind and do things that you like such as playing games. It is important not to get over-stressed up unnecessarily because with time management, things will be more organized.

Prioritising is also very important in time management. By weighing the difference in importance and urgency in the different assignments or activities, you are able to identify the work that needs to be rushed first. It will not kill to sacriface some personal time to finish up all the work first, because after the work is done, there is more than enough time to play and enjoy. By having a sense of urgency towards closing dateline shows that you are taking note of academic matters and not giving a "never-care-much" attitude. Remember, homeworks just keep coming, assignments keep flying towards you; but if you don't do it, the one that loses out is not the tutor or the lecturor, it is you (: